Thursday, 11 July 2013

Foul Fowl


I really do not like birds. Well... most birds.

And I know what you are thinking... why then dedicate a whole post to these awful, horrible creatures? Well... because. Because I can. Because I want the world to understand why I feel so strongly that birds should never be anywhere near me.

Ok... let's start at the beginning.

When I was growing up, my Dad used to always refer to seagulls as "dirty birds". They were not to be fed and my sister and I were taught that these birds were gross. I think my Dad is pretty wise to pass this information down to us.

On a trip to the eastern coast of Canada when I was younger, we driving along in our van and one of these "dirty birds" started flying along in front of us. The ill-fated seagull had a fish in its mouth, which suddenly slipped. In an effort to save the fish, the seagull dived and flew right into... our windshield. That's right. Dead bird everywhere. Feathers, guts, blood and other seagull bits covered the window and presented us with a horrifying sight. Forget bugs on the windshield. We had seagull.

Fast forward 10+ years and there I was.... in Paris, France. Enjoying the sunny weather, sights and nutella crepes (mmm) when my friend and I decided to wonder over to Notre Dame. I was excited to see this famous church, after all, I had seen the Disney film! We arrived at the square in front and what did I see?

Pigeons. Hundreds, no, THOUSANDS of pigeons. Bobbing their heads, flying around, begging and fighting for food.

Panic struck and I couldn't move. I was surrounded. I now know what a criminal must feel when he/she is in a building and the police say, "We've surrounded the building. Come out with your hands up!". It felt like the pigeons were just waiting to make their move. It also really didn't help that my friend insisted that the situation was funny and kept laughing when I was in the grip of such terror. Sigh.

I somehow survived the hoards of evil birds but realised afterwards that the whole thing left me with a stress rash on my chest! I was so confused as I've never in my life had heard of such a thing, but apparently it can happen if you have a experienced a lot of anxiety.

Birds. Rash inducing monsters.

So that has been my experience with birds. Can you blame me when I say that they are just fowl?

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